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| I look into the mirror and i see a stranger.
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| Ah. I hate the fact how i've Obligations to People around
To my family. To my friends, To Friends of Friends.
Only if i could stop existing in everyones memories, and no one remembers. No one cares.
A time , where i could just dissapear to somewhere i love.
To have a chance trying to do what i want.
Free to live my life as i wish, and fuck it, if i end up sleeping at the roadside. Thats my own thing to deal with.
I just wish i could live from day to day, so uncertain unexpcted.
nothing is planned. Everydays a mystery.
I wish i could just give up on things at anytime i wish to.
On Myself , on literally everything
Sometimes, I really wish to be be unrelated to anyone.
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| Damn. The night had been so great!
So So So Good
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| When alcohols and drugs become my only resolution.
2 of me bestfriends. That keeps me going from day to day
Keep the thought away. Keeps the emptyness away.
Something i cant help.
Something to look for every morning, to keep me going during the day.
Something to look for during the day, to keep all the stress, fusrations away.
and something to look for during the night, to make sure, i get some sleep
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It gets so good to the point, that i dont care if it were to put me to a long sleep from the amount of it. I never look upon life seriously anyways.
But things are changing now, with all the death around.
It opens me up ,to the pain people around are going through.
The suffering the Family, has to go through. I feel it. I fucking feel it.
The sorrow, penetrates the soul. Speechless, liveless.
I think of my mum and dad now, both my sisters.
Then the strength to face reality appears, just bits of it, enough to keep me off my "bestfriends" just for a lil bit
Stuck in the middle now.
I've no where to escape to now, no more resolutions,
Strip bare, to face this whole world myself.
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So much things had been happening lately.
Maybe having a big dream isn't always a good thing.
Maybe i was never strong enough to face it all alone.
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Fuck me. i'm fucked up | | |
| How many friends of mine have pass away ? i asked .
Andrew. We first met when i was 14. Samuel brought me out with his gang, and thats where we started off the friendship.
The last time i saw him, was at babyface. We were shuffling on stage, and while we all got a bmw from god knows where, and drove it around. Andrew was mat-rempit-ing with his bike beside.
Good memories.
But now, the thought of him beeing killed, keeps repeating itself in my head. AHH
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Come to think of it, i really realise, like is so short and unexpected.
It also makes me wonder whats after death. Do we have a life after that Or do we just ceased to exist when we die.
Acoording to the bible says , if we believe in "him", we'll have everlasting life. But what if i dont want everlasting life?
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R.I.P Andrew Chow. I really hope you're in a better place right now, may god be with you.
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It Always Rain the Hardest On people Who Deserve the SUN
-j3ff-
dobisgirls_lays
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